At the moment, just about every aspect of my life is up in the air. School, work, church, dancing, living place, how long and where for any of those. It's a little crazy, and things aren't progressing as well as I'd have liked, particularly with respect to grad school. It'd be great if you could pray for God's direction & encouragement in all of those things, because I look around and feel fairly helpless (not necessarily a bad thing, from God's point of view, I suppose).
But.
God's been giving me little things to make me smile. I suppose living by myself made me more willing to laugh out loud alone, because, well, no one's around, so what does it matter? It doesn't feel awkward anymore, and it's pretty cool. So, Thanksgiving's around the corner, maybe this is an early post, but things that have made me smile this week:
- I'm so excited that I get to hang out with my friends this week! On multiple days! You have no idea how happy this made me.
- the "Happy Song" was on the radio just now, and it makes me laugh because we often sang it at staff Fireside but never knew the complete lyrics so the verses were always rather garbled.
- Reading both "Leviathan" and "tohu bohu" in Les Mis made my day.
- I found cute shoes for dancing. Women's shoes. At the first store I looked for some. That's aboslutely unheard of - it usually takes upward of 2 years for me to find anything but athletic sneakers (easier because I can just buy guys' shoes for those).
- It's great to see fall again, and to smell it. I missed the smell of fall. Hopefuly I'll get to smell that lovely snow-eve smell soon!
- I can't even figure out what some of them are, there have just been moments of (solitary) laughter over the past few days that have made them bearable, and I'm thankful for those. Hopefully I'm not just going 100% off my rocker and becoming delusional.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Thursday, November 8, 2007
the Mulberry Tree
Every year the first frost heralds the oncoming winter. The frost is late this year, and sudden after a very warm fall. Before today, many of the trees still retained their green leaves. As I look out at the woods and the mountain now, though, the foliage is decidedly yellow-orange and beginning to fall.
The first frost has always been a bit of a special event in our back yard. Twenty yards from our kitchen windows towers a male mulberry tree. He's tall and old, and his trunk is nearly 3 1/2 feet across. His branches are gnarled and arthritic, the lower branches overshadowed, dying, and occassionally snapping. The leaves are waxy and heavy - not as much as magnolia leaves, but far heavier than your average maple or elm.
The mulberry holds and hoards its leaves as long as it can, no matter how yellow they are. It clutches them tightly until the first frost, when it lets go and the leaves rain to the ground. Last night it had all of its leaves. As I looked out the window this morning, only half were left. Over the next hour, it lost another quarter. If it frosts again tomorrow, the mulberry will be left bare, its gnarled and naked fingers stretched out towards the sky while at its feet lies a thick carpet of leaves. Usually that carpet is a glorious yellow; our golden retriever used to stand out there and bark and bark as those yellow leaves fell all around him. This year fall has come late and caught the green leaves by surprise. Our backyard is now under a blanket of bright, bright green.
Maybe it seems silly to describe one tree's loss of leaves, but in our house, it's almost a tradition to wait for and watch the raining mulberry. I don't draw any allegories or life lessons from it; I just watch and enjoy. You would too if you could see it.
The first frost has always been a bit of a special event in our back yard. Twenty yards from our kitchen windows towers a male mulberry tree. He's tall and old, and his trunk is nearly 3 1/2 feet across. His branches are gnarled and arthritic, the lower branches overshadowed, dying, and occassionally snapping. The leaves are waxy and heavy - not as much as magnolia leaves, but far heavier than your average maple or elm.
The mulberry holds and hoards its leaves as long as it can, no matter how yellow they are. It clutches them tightly until the first frost, when it lets go and the leaves rain to the ground. Last night it had all of its leaves. As I looked out the window this morning, only half were left. Over the next hour, it lost another quarter. If it frosts again tomorrow, the mulberry will be left bare, its gnarled and naked fingers stretched out towards the sky while at its feet lies a thick carpet of leaves. Usually that carpet is a glorious yellow; our golden retriever used to stand out there and bark and bark as those yellow leaves fell all around him. This year fall has come late and caught the green leaves by surprise. Our backyard is now under a blanket of bright, bright green.
Maybe it seems silly to describe one tree's loss of leaves, but in our house, it's almost a tradition to wait for and watch the raining mulberry. I don't draw any allegories or life lessons from it; I just watch and enjoy. You would too if you could see it.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Philadelphia freedom...shine a light
Goin' home tomorrow! The apartment's all cleaned up, work's almost all cleaned up. It's actually hard to believe I'm done here, but it has been 5 1/2 months - longer than a spring semester of college.
Anyway, I'll be back to Philly to dive into grad school applications head first since I'm getting a late start. Oh yeah, change of plans - applying for Bio PhD's. May be a little frenetic or hard to get a hold of for the next few weeks because of that but hey, at least my phone will work there. Pray for God's will to be done in the whole grad school thing, too. As always, it's all up to Him. I'm stoked though, and it's exciting to be thinking like a scientist again. Speaking of science: 1111 turtles. No, I'm not kidding. Named up through Abijah (I think; I forgot to write down exactly which name I ended on; rather, I threw out the paper with all the names on it while cleaning) 1 Chron 29.
Anyway, I'll be back to Philly to dive into grad school applications head first since I'm getting a late start. Oh yeah, change of plans - applying for Bio PhD's. May be a little frenetic or hard to get a hold of for the next few weeks because of that but hey, at least my phone will work there. Pray for God's will to be done in the whole grad school thing, too. As always, it's all up to Him. I'm stoked though, and it's exciting to be thinking like a scientist again. Speaking of science: 1111 turtles. No, I'm not kidding. Named up through Abijah (I think; I forgot to write down exactly which name I ended on; rather, I threw out the paper with all the names on it while cleaning) 1 Chron 29.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Countdown
I'm now 2 weeks away from leaving MD, and I'm extremely excited. It still seems unreal, possibly because I'll be counting turtles up until the end; but I'm glad that it's here. I'm excited to see my friends & family in Philly again. I'm excited to be working towards grad school and I'm looking forward to having a community that I can engage in and that I can settle in for more than 5 months. I'm looking forward to living with people again - I've never been good at living with people, but living alone has shown me how much I really do need to share a home with others. I'm sad to leave my few friends that I have here...but that's still a couple weeks away, I don't have to deal with that yet. It would've been nice to have been more involved in the community here. Hopefully when I'm in school and when I'm a teacher I'll be able to do so. Oh yeah, and I'm looking forward to hugs. Other than when my parents visited me, I think the last one I got was...July 29th? And visiting with y'all & catching up, at least those in the Philly area.
Other than that, not much is going on. This month-and-a-half long drought has prevented the turtles from hatching (the ground is too hard for them to dig out), so work has been boring. Other than that day a few weeks ago with the camera (previous post). There's tons of bald eagles all over the island now though, which is kinda cool. And caterpillars (a type of "woolybear", the salt marsh caterpillar, Estigmene acrea). And mutated crickets from the mosquito spray. All interesting to see, although I fritter most of my day away sitting on the toolchest in the shed inventing things to do (1.5 hrs of work to be done every day. On the island for 3-12 hrs. Hence lots of frittering).
Anyway, 'tis all, 'tis all. Philly soon! Oh, wonderful!
Other than that, not much is going on. This month-and-a-half long drought has prevented the turtles from hatching (the ground is too hard for them to dig out), so work has been boring. Other than that day a few weeks ago with the camera (previous post). There's tons of bald eagles all over the island now though, which is kinda cool. And caterpillars (a type of "woolybear", the salt marsh caterpillar, Estigmene acrea). And mutated crickets from the mosquito spray. All interesting to see, although I fritter most of my day away sitting on the toolchest in the shed inventing things to do (1.5 hrs of work to be done every day. On the island for 3-12 hrs. Hence lots of frittering).
Anyway, 'tis all, 'tis all. Philly soon! Oh, wonderful!
Friday, October 5, 2007
fun times part 2
You can access the awesome video I made of the cute little turtles by searching for "La Naissance, la mer, et la liberte" on YouTube.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
fun times
I had fun at work today. For the first time since I slid down that cliff a month and a half ago. Woohoo!
Can't tell you why though, you'll just have to wait a week or so to see. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Can't tell you why though, you'll just have to wait a week or so to see. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Sar Shalom
Ps. 34:14
Depart from evil and do good;
seek peace, and pursue it.
This is a stark contrast from the meek and mild "Oh, I've just got to be patient and maybe one day peace will fall into my lap if God decides to give it to me." Yes, peace is a gift. But we are meant to seek it, to pursue it, not just wait for it with a gnashing of teeth until it gets there.
Pursue: "radaph" - to run after
Seek: "baqash" - to search out, to strive after, to request. specifically used in worship or prayer.
How? Doesn't it seem like an oxymoron to fervently look for and run after peace?
Yes, if by peace you mean sheer comfort.
No, if you consider that Jesus is Sar Shalom*, Prince of Peace. "Sar" implies rulership and governance, from a verb that means to have dominion. Jesus isn't just the sub-ruler (like we think of "prince"), nor is He just excessively anti-confrontational ("the best at peace"). Peace is His to bestow, and it's His to control.
Peace isn't found in things being calmed or solved or made clear - it's found the Prince. And found more abundantly if we run towards Him, rather than away from Him, if we seek to spend time with Him rather than figuring out our lives and making ourselves secure, rather than sitting and waiting and twiddling our thumbs for peace and letting anxiety build and fester inside. Peace isn't denying that things are out of (our) control, nor is it succumbing to the 'whelming flood. Any peace that you get without coming to the Prince won't last, really.
^Above were things God showed me one night when I was being anxious over career stuff and whether or not teaching was really right. And you know what? It's great that I have so many options, but no single one is "right". Which career I choose is not crucial, so long as I glorify God in what I do. And I feel that teaching is one arena where I can definitely do that while growing in Him as well. And that peace...was found when I stopped worrying and let Sar Shalom take care of it.
*my Hebrew grammar is probably poor and these words may be in the wrong order.
Depart from evil and do good;
seek peace, and pursue it.
This is a stark contrast from the meek and mild "Oh, I've just got to be patient and maybe one day peace will fall into my lap if God decides to give it to me." Yes, peace is a gift. But we are meant to seek it, to pursue it, not just wait for it with a gnashing of teeth until it gets there.
Pursue: "radaph" - to run after
Seek: "baqash" - to search out, to strive after, to request. specifically used in worship or prayer.
How? Doesn't it seem like an oxymoron to fervently look for and run after peace?
Yes, if by peace you mean sheer comfort.
No, if you consider that Jesus is Sar Shalom*, Prince of Peace. "Sar" implies rulership and governance, from a verb that means to have dominion. Jesus isn't just the sub-ruler (like we think of "prince"), nor is He just excessively anti-confrontational ("the best at peace"). Peace is His to bestow, and it's His to control.
Peace isn't found in things being calmed or solved or made clear - it's found the Prince. And found more abundantly if we run towards Him, rather than away from Him, if we seek to spend time with Him rather than figuring out our lives and making ourselves secure, rather than sitting and waiting and twiddling our thumbs for peace and letting anxiety build and fester inside. Peace isn't denying that things are out of (our) control, nor is it succumbing to the 'whelming flood. Any peace that you get without coming to the Prince won't last, really.
^Above were things God showed me one night when I was being anxious over career stuff and whether or not teaching was really right. And you know what? It's great that I have so many options, but no single one is "right". Which career I choose is not crucial, so long as I glorify God in what I do. And I feel that teaching is one arena where I can definitely do that while growing in Him as well. And that peace...was found when I stopped worrying and let Sar Shalom take care of it.
*my Hebrew grammar is probably poor and these words may be in the wrong order.
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